I have been offline healing from surgery and gaining some serious perspective. I have been having a great time, but a hard time, getting through all I have to in order to be healed. This is not just my surgery, but many things that God has brought to the forefront in order for me to deal with.
Before I get into this, I want to let you know that through eating correctly and taking some walks and being proactive in my health, I have lost 15 lbs. I am very excited about this! I am now at 195 and enjoying the fact that I can continue to lost weight with a healthy lifestyle. My diet has been the biggest key to my losing weight, since I am unable to work out the way I know I can. After the doctor releases me, I should be able to workout the way I have always wanted to but was too exhausted to do so...
So, I have people issues. I don't trust many people and used to get rid of people once they did something that took advantage of my friendship. This stems from my childhood and the dysfunction I faced on a daily basis. Having a controlling mother doesn't allow for healthy friendships. I had one best friend my whole life and she and her family brought such normalcy to my life. I was very blessed to know them and have them in my life!
Lately, I have been so sad with friendships. Being a pastor's wife, I realize that I want to love people and support them and care for them more than I ever have. But it is hard to trust that those friendships are as meaningful to those I spend time with. This week, I have felt more lonely than I ever have. I know people have lives to live and all of that...but I haven't had a deep meaningful conversation with a woman in such a long time. I am usually listening to their heartaches and hurts. I long for a friendship that is two sided and blesses me and the other person. I deeply hurt for this kind of relationship...now, one may say that maybe I am putting it out there that I am not interested in this sort of thing...I believe I do put it out there that I am all together and things are great and I don't require much...my marriage is solid so I have the best friend I could ever have! Well, we as women need those female connections! It has taken me a long time to believe that I require this...but I do!
The connection between women is a beautiful thing...my prayer is that God would bless me with women that will understand what I need and accept friendship unconditionally and excitedly. I hope you have a friend who blesses your life and makes things seem less lonely!
Love Del
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