Day 1, Week 1

This is me, Del Vigil...a 200 lbs. 46 year old woman...I am a pastor's wife of Cross Training Church.  Our church's main focus is to help people be healthy...mind, body and spirit...Well, what do you do when you have a calling by God, yet you are not in any way healthy?  Let's travel back and see where it all went wrong...

I don't want to reveal all the dysfunction...I need you to continue to keep checking in!  But here are a few tidbits...I do have abuse in my background.  There was a lot of physical abuse and some sexual abuse.  It was not a fun childhood for me.  In fact, I can't remember many things that my sisters talk about frequently.  I just nod and go along with them.  In a nutshell, there was a lot of pressure, too much seclusion from the world and guilt galore!

More recently, I had a mini breakdown in the winter of 2009.  I was trying to stop the taking of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds and go for a more natural approach.  During that same time, I decided to quit my job and my husband started to not make as much in commission.  We moved to a smaller place and things just got really bad.  We sometimes didn't have enough food to feed ourselves...as we made sure our kids were able to eat.  We lost two of our dogs who were killed in traffic.  It really didn't seem as though things would ever get any better.  Bottom of the barrel would have been a blessing to what I felt we dealt with...I tried to get other teaching jobs...I had lost my 4th job to a coach who could also teach P.E. or Health.  So, instead I took substituting assignments.  Usually I only took schools that I was familiar with so that I would not have issues, emotionally.

I just remember laying on my bed crying and hoping for death at that point.  Eventually, we moved again to a small apartment.   Jay changed jobs and we had enough to get by.  I was able to finally go to the doctor and get back on the meds I needed for stress and anxiety.  I believe at that time I came to a false reality that I was of no value in the world and that I should just give up...I truly did give up...I had to have someone home with me at all times because I wanted to end my life.  My husband was a solid rock and brought me back from the brink many times I contemplated suicide.  I reached out to friends...some were very put out, others were too busy and some were very understanding.  I feel like even though that battle was 3 years ago...I still face that same depression of not being good enough.  I have gained 40 lbs since that time and 20 just in the last 6 months.

Now, God has pulled me to my feet and is not taking my excuses or no for an answer.  So, I would like for you to go on a journey with me.  Today, I begin my first day of living up to the calling God has given me as a church planter.  He gave me the schooling to know how to be physically healthy...I have the answers in His Word on how to be healthy emotionally and spiritually. Over the next four months, I will be blogging about my journey to getting healthy!  I will post pictures and videos of my journey!  My hope is that if you are also unhealthy in any way, that this would be of some encouragement to you and show you that you are not alone!

May our journeys be blessed!

Del